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We've been close companions for over two decades, a person who's faced and conquered several challenges, her resilience is commendable. But, she's repeatedly blindsided by others. Her husband left her, and it was a huge shock. Several of her friends drifted away then, as they were only interested in the spouse. She was stunned by her deeply. She made more effort toward our bond, and must have understood better what friendship was.

The Pattern In Relationships

In the time since, several of her friends vanished leaving her certain of the reason. The company she worked for turned on her, although she had been very skilled at her work, she departed unaware of the reason for the change.

Present Situation

Lately, we've both left the workforce and are seeing frequent meetups, yet I realize my position between us is to listen. I start discussion points but she shifts conversation onto what interests her. Politically, she expresses strong opinions. I attempt to propose verifying facts and different perspectives.

She is organizing a trip abroad I've visited repeatedly and lived in previously. My intention was to provide advice, but this was met with resistance. She really just desired validation of her plans. I've just ended 30 days in that country she is eager to reconnect, however, I hesitate.

Evaluating the Situation

I don't want in this role that walks away without explanation, yet I doubt she can understand the impact of how she acts on my self-esteem. Right now, I find myself in distancing myself. What's the best step?

Ways Forward

One option is to end things abruptly, but it is not often the peaceful resolution we imagine. However, addressing it with a view to a solution demands strength and openness from both people.

Therapists recommend applying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Step one requires explaining how things go when you talk. This needs to be based on facts like an unbiased account. The second is to express how this makes you feel. There should be no dispute about this. What you feel are your feelings, after all. Step three involves requesting how you are both can shift the interaction of your friendship."

Remember your friend has a point of view, meaning you must to remain ready to listen to her. A helpful technique is telling your friend:

"Please share your thoughts and I'm going to remain silent for 30 minutes."

It's remarkably impactful in fostering understanding.

Final Thoughts

She might reject all you say, since certain individuals hold onto a self-protecting mindset: they rely on a version of their life they're unable to abandon because their very survival depends upon it being the only thing familiar to them. This is difficult because there's no easy route in such cases, only cul-de-sacs. But she may at first react like this then consider your perspective. And even if a resolution isn't found an agreement, it provides peace knowing you were open and direct.